Matters of the heart

Lately I have been wondering about the games people play. Mostly because I am in this predicament that I have maybe only 1/2 been in once but that was before. Before my outlook on many things in life changed and before when men were something completely complicated and confusing to me. Now I flash a smile say something charming and bat my eyelashes and they melt like butter and alas the game ends in my favor. . . simple. I'm never a victim to the games I'm usually the one who starts, ends, and wins them before anyone knows what has happened.  They all end about the same as well, me at home alone with another dinner date under my belt, the knowledge of a place to go to get in free if I am bored on a Saturday night, and a little peeved that yet again I bought a new pair of shoes that the purchasing of them ended up being the most exhilarating and exciting part of my day. The dinner dates are never that bad(with the exception of two) they are just not what they need to be for me to really keep anyone around, so I don't. 

There is one though who completely and totally perplexes me, that the games don't necessarily work with nor, do I really want them to. Busy, has a life, doesn't call me every 30 seconds, and is ridiculously unavailable. For the first time I don't see him as something to get because he's unavailable and that would be an actual challenge. It's the sparks and the escape that he provides that keeps me going back for more. I continue to get the advice whether welcome or not to play the game, make him a lover rather than a relationship and treat him that way too. I understand the motive behind the advice and the result that is supposed to happen when I take it. It is nothing new, these are things I have done before and they work, ridiculously well to be perfectly honest. this time though, this time it is different. This time it feel as if I don't know how to play the game. I'm totally lost and feel as if every move I make is mapped out perfectly so as not to allow anything to backfire and ruin this perplexing, complicated situation. The worst part is, is that I know perfectly well that  I am setting myself up for heartbreak. Does that make me hesitate? No. Does it make me think I should let him go and find someone else? No, I keep going back for the escape and the sparks... It's incredibly stupid of me yet I don't care . . . What's a girl to do? 

***M