So I have this job where I have to be "proper" and composed and perfect yet super upbeat.... none of these things is anywhere near what my supposed real personality is but whatever.  So I recently came to the conclusion that being a manager is not at all what I want to be doing nor is it anything I hope to continue to do. If I really wanted that for myself I feel I would have 3 children who don't listen to me until the negotiation becomes a dictatorship and then BOOM!!! I'm required to be a micro managing mom.... To this I say,  "no thanks." Don't get me wrong there are wonderful parts to managing. The parts where I'm more of a leader than an actual manager, and the parts where I help my girls to become better sales people and teach them new things and the parts where they realize that they can make a difference in someone's life by just being their wonderful selves. Those are the parts that I love but I don't feel that they are enough to cancel out the part where I can't leave work at work and the rest of my life is affected by the miserable parts of my job.

So  I had a more professional version of this conversation to the people above me to which they replied with "if this is not a role that you want to be in or like then I cannot support you any longer in this role.  We need to find you something new..... by the 10th of the month." I was then sent on my way. What all  of this means is that I have until November 10th to find a new position in the company I am in now, seamlessly and without anyone noticing. I'm not exactly sure how I am going to do this. Its a scary scary place to be yet as I walked out of that office where the conversation took place I felt an incredible weight being lifted off of my conscious because maybe, just maybe I will find a job that allows me to be me and that I don't have to take home every night and worry about a 35% decrease ruining my reputation and my career. 

Don't get me wrong I am still terrified of not finding something in time to pay all the bills and the rent.... I just moved into a house my bruises from running into boxes and trying to lift things that are entirely to heavy are still fresh, and here I am looking for a new job... God speed I guess? 

***M